Friday, October 2, 2015


<insert standard template post for outrage at the staggering stupidity of people who defend America's lack of gun control laws>

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

EPIC WEEKEND: Turkish food and a surprise party!

Last weekend was one of the most awesome weekends I've had all year :p

On Friday, I bought Super Mario Maker. God I love that game already. Off to a good start, right?

On Saturday, I woke up around noon and went with my friend Ryan to the annual Turkish Festival hosted by the Raindrop Turkish House in downtown OKC each year. I'm a huge fan of Mediterranean food, and the booths set up here did NOT disappoint at all. At one point a couple years ago, Turkish döner kebabs were literally my all-time favorite food, but I haven't had a good one since then - but man did the ones they served here satisfy that craving! Not to mention the hummus, the pastries, the baklava, and the fig cake. I managed to get pictures of the cake and the döner, though not until I had already eaten half of them :p  And there were several examples of Turkish art on display, including a very cool water marbling demonstration.

After eating myself into a $45 food coma (I REGRET NOTHING), I went home to find that Steph and China were already there - because Steph had organized a surprise early birthday party for me (??!!?!?!??), and invited most of my other friends as well. Everyone - Steph, China, Chelsea, Sam, and Christine - managed to keep the whole thing a complete secret the entire time. Ryan even managed keep the secret the entire time we were out eating Turkish food. Serious kudos to everyone, there.

I managed a quick workout before everyone else arrived (almost setting a new bench press max, no less). And the party itself was crazy-awesome. On top of all the Turkish food I had for lunch, Steph and China made all sorts of great food - buffalo-chicken and turkey-burger sliders, roasted chickpeas, and pumpkin/carrot cake desserts. (SO. GOOD. Even if my name isn't "Chis".) All washed down with plenty of wine and apple beer, of course.

We messed around with Mario Maker some, and then blew up the inflatable How To Train Your Dragon 'flame-sword' that Christine got me, and then painted alcohol-enhanced paintings while pretending to pay attention to Bob Ross's instructions in the background, because fuck yeah we're that awesome. The eight end results are in the picture above. After that, we tried out my new Exploding Kittens game that my friend Dani got me as an early birthday gift. (It's basically Russian Roulette, but with kitten bombs instead of bullets.) And like any good party, it ended after a marathon session of alcohol-enhanced Cards Against Humanity.

Sunday, after recovering from a mild hangover, consisted mostly of just hanging out with Steph and working on my first real Mario Maker level, as well as our Ultra Top-Secret Classified Halloween costumes. Also, sushi.

Holy damn that was a fun three days :p

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Yeah, it's going to be 10/10.

Friday's purchase:

The trailer, for the uninitiated:

I've only played it for a day and a half so far, but daaaaaamn.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Crossing the Finish Line

Last week, I managed to finally reach the end of an interminably long cutting phase. I had been struggling with the last 10-15 lbs for a very long time, which was doubly frustrating since I had previously managed to lose a total of 86 lbs (from 255 to 169 lbs) between 2008 and 2010 (give or take a few months).

What finally managed to drive me to cutting through all the bullshit and losing the weight was the blinding, white-hot rage that resulted from the combination of severe body-shaming and heart-rending feminist hypocrisies surrounding the release of Magic Mike XXL (a movie I may have previously mentioned once or twice).

Some of the biggest supporters of that movie, of the people I know personally, are the kinds of feminists who would have gone on rant after rant after rant (and rightly so) about the outrageousness of sexual objectification, the dangers of body-shaming, and the need for body positivity IF it had been their boyfriends who had gone to see "Magic Michelle" instead. But because it's men and not women who are the targets of this body-shaming, the movie gets not just a free pass, but exuberant praise both from every feminist under the sun AND from society as a whole. God forbid we should actually acknowledge that body image issues affect men too.

The problem is that I didn't just hate Magic Mike XXL, and Channing Tatum, and the staggering hypocrisy surrounding it all. I hated myself as much as anything else. Probably more. It didn't matter that I had previously lost 86 lbs, or what other people thought I looked like. For weeks on end, every time I looked in the mirror, all I could see was the same pathetic 255-lb slob from 2007.

But, if nothing else, at least no one gets to tell me I don't know how to channel pain into fuel.

Believe me, I fucked up plenty of times along the way (and I'm supremely grateful for how supportive Steph was the entire time). And I still may not have abs, and my body-fat percentage may still be too high, and I may have crawled across the finish line with bloody fingernails rather than a triumphant touchdown dance. But goddamn it, I exerted control. I reminded myself of the kind of willpower I'm capable of when the shit really hits the fan. And no movie full of rich little pretty boys can take that away from me, regardless of how ugly they, and the people who incessantly fawn over them, think I should feel.

When I finally managed to get the scale to read 185, it felt like I had just beaten Channing Tatum to death in a cage fight and pried my self-esteem back out of his cold, dead hands.

My ultimate goals are to actually end up around 200 lbs, with about 10% body fat. But I'll enjoy this milestone for awhile first.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

"Bullshit. Is. Everywhere."

"There is very little that you will encounter in life that has not been, in some ways, infused with bullshit. Not all of it is bad. Your general, day-to-day, organic free-range bullshit is often necessary. Or at the very least, innocuous. "Ohh, what a beautiful baby. I'm sure it'll grow into that head!" That kind of bullshit in many ways provides important social-contract fertilizer. It keeps people from making each other cry all day. But then there's the more pernicious bullshit. Your premeditated, institutional bullshit, designed to obscure and distract. Designed by whom? The bullshitocracy.

It comes in three basic flavors. One, making bad things sound like good things. "Organic, all-natural cupcakes." Because "factory-made sugar oatmeal balls" doesn't sell. "Patriot Act." Because "Are-You-Scared-Enough-To-Let-Me-Look-At-All-Your-Phone-Records Act" doesn't sell. So whenever something's been titled "Freedom-Family-Fairness-Health-America...", take a good long sniff. Chances are it's been manufactured in a facility, and may contain traces of bullshit.

Number two. The second way. Hiding the bad things under mountains of bullshit. Complexity. You know, I would love to download Drizzy's latest Meek Mill diss (everyone promised me that made sense). But I'm not really interested right now in reading Tolstoy's iTunes agreement. So I'll just click agree, even if it grants Apple prima nocte with my spouse. Here's another one: simply put, banks shouldn't be able to bet your pension money on red. Bullshitly put, it's this. Dodd Frank. Hey, a handful of billionaires can't buy our elections, right? Of course not. They can only pour unlimited, anonymous cash into a 501(c)4 if 50% is devoted to issue education, otherwise they'd have to 501(c)6 it, or funnel it openly through a non-campaign-coordinating Super PAC....'I think they're asleep now, we can sneak out!'

And finally, it's the bullshit of infinite possibility. These bullshitters cover their unwillingness to act under the guise of unending inquiry. We can't do anything because we don't yet know everything! We cannot take action on climate change, until everyone in the world agrees gay-marriage vaccinations won't cause our children to marry goats, who are going to come for our guns. Until then, I say teach the controversy.

Now, the good news is this. Bullshitters have gotten pretty lazy. And their work is easily detected. And looking for it is kind of a pleasant way to pass the time. Like an "I Spy" of bullshit. So I say to you tonight, friends: the best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something."

-Jon Stewart's final rant

Watch the full episode here.

(I may have seen it 23 days late, myself, but it's totally worth it.)

Sunday, August 23, 2015

R.I.P. Lamborghini Batman :'(

Lenny B. Robinson, also known as "Lamborghini Batman" because he would dress like Batman and drive his black Lambo around to children's hospitals to cheer up sick kids, was killed in a car crash last week.

This tribute from a Redditor was among the many things from this story that went viral:

Found some #MotivHATEion at the gym the other day.

You'd be surprised how intense a workout can get when you have the smug, self-satisfied grin of the personification of society's hypocritical endorsement of male body-shaming staring you right in the fucking face the entire time.